What parallel-universe version of yourself would you like to be?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question.

What parallel-universe version of yourself would you like to be?

(all typos below are preserved as submitted)

Many students aspire to parallel-universe careers:

• pilot (x2)
• POTUS
• president
• economist
• lawyer
• chef
• cheffe
• astronaut (x2)
• commentator

Some wanted careers based on fame (mostly sports):

• PGA tour champ
• pop star
• win the masters
• dancer
• actress/dancer
• pro sport of some sort
• disc golfer

One single student wanted simply more money, in an amount I have not heard of:

• a bizzlionaire

One student wanted to be an inexplicable parallel-universe version, no further explanation:

a cold one

Some students were nonspecific but positive:

• living in nature
• maybe in bed

Some students were simply nonspecific:

• huh
• idk

And this week's most contented mid-semester student picked simply:

• idk I'm happy in this one

This post's theme word is lotic (adj), "relating to or living in flowing water." (Note that "lentic" is the same, but for still water.) The lotic parallel universe features many gills and a lot of waterproofing on electronics, but is otherwise quite familiar. There are a lot of reunions of the lotic and lentic branches of the family.

What is the most useless technology ever invented?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2019).

What is the most useless technology ever invented?

By popular vote, the general category "social media" is the winner (6 votes). Some people voted more narrowly tiktok (4 votes) and snapchat (2 votes) were singled out for specific contempt. Other physical debris got votes: electric toothbrush (3 votes), smartwatches (2 votes), and furby (1 vote).

Some votes went to other things, some explicable and some not:

• bombs :(
• nukes :/
• shoes
• chat GPT trying to identify word count
• everything
• it's hard to tell
• none :(
• sundials
• wheel

I think the "everything" and the "none" person should compare notes.

This post's theme word is Momus (n), "a carping critic" (the Greek god of censure!). The tech journalist was a Momus at the product launch.

What is your favorite fruit?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2017).

What is your favorite fruit?

• watermelon (x7)
• mango (x6)
• apple (x2)
• grapes (x2)
• raspberries (x2)
• pears
• bananas
• pineapple
• peach
• clementine
• strawberry
• blueberry
• orange

I'm surprised that watermelon surpassed mango, the previous champion.

This post's theme word is tergiversate (v), "to evade, to equivocate; to change one's loyalties." The student population tergiversated between large, sweet, round fruits.

Quoth the raven

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2016, 2017).

Quoth the raven:

• nevermore
• caw caw caw
• IDK
• ??
• [checkmark]
• I don't know any ravens
• no clue
• !
• what is that
• no
• shishkabob
• type type
• moo
• French poetry is better
• no clue
• What does the fox say?
• I don't know
• Nevermore, lest I shuffle off this mortal coil and land in a bowl of soup

I think that the "?" and "IDK" votes swept this time, maybe the reference isn't popular enough amongst The Youths Nowadays.

This post's theme word is nuciform (adj), "like a nut." There are many bird techniques for obtaining food from nuciform prisons.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. Previously 2016, 2017, 2019.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

Some students answered numerically:

• -2
• -1
• 1
• at least 1
• 2+1
• 3.141592
• pi
• 5
• 6
• 100g
• [illegible, but it looked like numbers?]

Some students answered with qualitative descriptions of the quantity of wood:

1. not much (x2)
2. not much, he's nashed
3. some (x2)
4. enough
5. lots
6. depends on the tree species
7. as much as it could
8. as much as it wants
9. as much as a woodchuck could!
10. as long as its hungry

Some students replied to my question with an answer designed to make me stop asking:

• no idea
• I don't know (x3)
• when a woodchuck chucks
• if a wood chuck could chuck wood (x2)
• chuck

The "most pragmatic" award goes to:

• depends if a woodchuck could chuck wood

The "most enigmatic award goes to:

• would?

This post's theme word is alible (adj), "nutritious; nourishing." Wood is not considered alible for most students in my class.

What is your dream vacation for spring break?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question.

What is your dream vacation for spring break?

Actual places that are reachable with a 1-week break from classes:

• Ireland
• Bahamas
• Ibiza
• Italy
• Greece
• Japan
• Tahiti
• Hawaii
• Brazil
• Switzerland
• Europe
• London
• Barcelona

Trips that sound cool:

• cool hike
• home
• Death Valley, where I'm going :)
• bed

Infeasible:

• travel to Uranus

This post's theme word is anfractuous (adj), "full of twists and turns". May your travel wanderings be full of anfractuous adventure.

What is your greatest victory in life so far?

 I take attendance by asking the students a question (previously 2019, 2016).

What is your greatest victory in life so far?

• chilling
• sleeping
• being here today
• surviving this far
• seeing another day in this beautiful world
• waking up :)
• ^ so real!!!!
• going to college
• nothing
• happiness
• eating breakfast
• being awake right now
• getting up early today
• living
• my friends
• slaying yass
• being an older brother
• loving other people

This post's theme word is antelucan (adj), "before dawn". Based on student testimony, one might believe that I have an antelucan lecture.

What is the longest amount of time you have gone without using the internet?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. (Previously 2017, 2019.)

What is the longest amount of time you have gone without using the internet?

Answers varied:

• not long
• 10 minutes
• few hours (x2)
• 12 hours
• 1 day
• 2 days (x3)
• 3 days
• 5 days
• days
• 1 week (x5)
• a week in nature
• 2 weeks
• month
• 9 months
• 6 years
• no clue
• my childhood
• first couple years of my life
• first 2 years of my life
• first 5 years of my life
• first 7 years of my life

This post's theme word is testudinal (adj), "slow; old." Reminiscing about years of school pre-internet makes one feel testudinal and ornery.

What is the first word you spoke aloud?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question (previously).

What is the first word you spoke aloud?

• MAMA / mom (very popular)
• Dad (also popular)
• Yeah / no / yes / Hi (makes sense)
• goat
• duck
• cow
• ball
• apple

Kudos to the student whose first word was "0" (the number).

Bizarre side-eye to the following students who wrote:

• student A: "[student B's name]"
• student B: "I love [student C's name]"
• student C: "yeah"

This post's theme word is umbriferous (adj), "casting a shadow." Luckily a child's first word is not an umbriferous portent of their entire life!

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2016, 2017, 2019).

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Students mostly picked some popular onomatopoeias (or no): 

• clap (10)
• snap (6)
• no sound (3)

Then a lot of singletons:

• faint clap (1)
• snup (1)
• plap (1)
• tap (1)
• *pop* (1)
• plup (1)
• plap (1)
• hit (1)
• not possible (1)
• finger snap (1)

Two people were present in class but chose, as a way of expressing themselves, to checkmark next to their name on the sign-in sheet but leave the space for answering the question blank.

This post's theme word is gowpen (n), "two hands cupped together." Give me one gowpen of thoughtful questions, please.

Winter quotes

"It's a machine learning paper, it can't be that hard."

"She just seemed totally unhinged, like a swivel-eyed loon." 

"You picked the same avatar as me!"
"It assigned me a gray-haired lady in glasses automatically!"

"I'm invisible!"
"Zoom has started to blur you into the couch in the background."

"Wow, four people and one kitchen? This is... this is better than we had in Soviet Union, seven families and one kitchen."

"We're the same age! I always thought that you were so much older when we were kids."

"One more, since you were having a bit of a cock-festival earlier: there's a book called 'Fifty Ways to Eat Cock' and it's recipes for cooking chicken."

"Oh, this looks good... wait, that's dog food."

"Basically you put a cookie in soup and put it in the oven."

This post's theme word is grangousier (n), "a big eater" or "a gullible person, who will swallow anything." This holiday season, bake cookies for your neighborhood grangousier!