Price: $0.00(Thanks to C. on postpostpre for pointing this out!)
Free glossy, sleek time machine made out of an old dumpster and a gyroscope. Unfortunately, due to a glitch it can only take you back to plague-infested 14th century France or the 1970s. This is a great item and I'm really sorry to part with it. Transportation not provided.
This post's theme word: praetorian, "corruptible or fraudulent."