Sunday, December 15, 2024

Other Ever Afters

Melanie Gillman's Other Ever Afters is a cute collection of graphic short stories. Maybe fables? They are not as heavy-handed as traditional fables, and they center feelings and belonging. The back copy describes the book as "original, feminist, queer fairy tales" but the queerness is a light touch because they are fairy tales, so the important bits are things like "there is a giant outside our village" and "the goose-keeper lives outside the castle". The drawings are bright and softly round-edged and lovely.

It's overall cute, and a quick little collection of stories.


This post's theme word is pussivant (v. intr.), "to meddle, fuss, move around busily." The villagers pussivanted around the square in an attempt to find the yearly sacrificial maiden.

Wednesday, December 4, 2024

The Mere Wife

I adored Maria Dahvana Headley's Beowulf and was curious to read her earlier novel, The Mere Wife, which draws on the story of Beowulf. In several reviews I see that The Mere Wife has been described as a "modern retelling" of Beowulf from womens' perspectives; to me, the entire book was vague and ethereal in its storytelling, so I could not be sure that it was "modern", as opposed to simply a different setting with more glass windows and trains than are strictly described in Beowulf.

The setting begins with a vagueness about the specifics of Dana Mills --- what year is it? what middle-eastern country is she a soldier in? is this meant to be modern reality or just to draw on elements of modernity? --- and the book never provides answers or clues or these questions. How did she come to be pregnant? If she is realistically hungry and afraid of starving and being attacked by other humans, then how did she manage to give birth alone (to Grendel) in an abandoned train tunnel, with no apparent difficulties? Probably I read this book in the wrong frame of mind, as I kept trying to puzzle out these logistics even though the prose flowed poetically and only suggested the shape of descriptions, durations, feelings, logical connections.

Some of the vagueness comes from details and story explorations beyond Beowulf. Parts of the book focus on Willa, the wife of Roger Herot, son of the founder of (planned and gated community) Herot Hall. In the Willa chapters, the vagueness and dissociation of the prose seemed to be a reflection of her isolation and emotional coldness, and the ways in which her expected role limited her freedom of movement, dress, what to eat, how to act, what to say. This was effective and skillful writing but I found myself looking for a moral, or a scrap of redemption, or even a suggestion of feminism and empowerment. This left me feeling as cold as Willa, and it seemed like the story had been written --- or perhaps constrained by the original Beowulf --- to close all avenues of imagining a different or better life for the women of the community.

And on occasion, the women got first-person-plural chapters to spin their own mythology directly to the reader. Chapter 21 is only 3 pages long  (pp 153-155). It begins "Hark! We slap the bell on the front desk of the police station." This is deliciously close to the structure of some more traditional translations of Beowulf and I appreciated that. This perspective is delivered in first-person-plural, from the perspective of the nameless and amorphous group of neighborhood women. "There's a long tradition that says women gossip, when in fact women are the memory of the world. We keep the family trees and the baby books. We manage the milk teeth. We keep the census of diseases, the records of divorces, battles, and medals. We witness the wills. We wash the weddings out of the bedsheets." (page 153-154) This is delightfully close to Alice Frasier's repeated joke (paraphrased from memory): "History is a record of what men do while women are busy maintaining civilization by keeping everyone fed, clean, healthy, and alive." Frasier's original is more pithy.

Chapter 21 ends, "We will not surrender. We will not back down. Soon, soon, the mountain will be covered with men in uniforms, hounds, cars moving fast, people telling and yelling. Soon, soon, we will have what is ours." (pp 155) Sinister, creepy, skin-tingling, excellent. The follow-up chapter 29 uses the same creepy first-person-plural telling and reframing of the entire story, and ends (pp 206), "We're the ones who make the world, the warriors who stand watch, the women on whose wrong side you would not want to walk. What do you get the women who have everything? You get them more."

Contrast this with Dana's perspective, late in the book (pp 212-213), "Who's the monster now? ... No one even looks at me. You don't really own anything. Nothing is yours forever, not your body, not your youth, not even your mind." Her perspective is grim and dismal throughout, even when contemplating how to care for her son. "Here's the truth of the world, here it is. You're never everything anyone else wants. In the end, it's going to be you, all alone on a mountain, or you, all alone, in a hospital room. Love isn't enough, and you do it anyway. Love isn't enough, and it's still this thing that everyone wants. I see what he wants. I know him better than I know myself. I know his whole history, and I don't know my own."

The coldness of the chorus of women is a sinister weight that oppresses both Dana and Willa and drives the story on to the bloody conclusion of Beowulf (pp 268):

We question Willa. She tells us that Dana Mills is back and Ben Woolf is deranged, and we believe her. Murderer not dead? Check. Monster not slain? Check. Hero not heroic? Check. 

We take over. 

Everyone thinks all we've been doing, for thirty years, is planting award-winning begonias. It's always the mothers who are hated. The fathers are too far away, home at 5:30, off the train, perfume on their jackets. The mothers are the clay pigeons children want to shoot out of the sky. Imagine being a target for fifty years, from your moments of first nubility to moments of humility, when your skin feels like paper and you stop sleeping forever, unacknowledged as being the armed guard of civilization.

Creepy and overwhelming.

Overall this was a weird one. Familiarity with Beowulf made me keep looking for clues and connections, differences and editorial decisions. This was at odds with the tone of the book, which was more of an ungrounded meditation on women's feelings of pressure and social isolation. If I were looking for a book that focused on a character secondary to the main plotline, I would prefer to reread Tamsyn Muir's Gideon the Ninth, which is vague but gives clues about a substantive plotline (and has more sarcasm and female characters who are allowed personal agency).


This post's theme word is proscription (n), "a prohibition or the act of prohibiting." Eating more calories was not proscribed, and yet every housewife avoided it and policed her peers to enforce the unstated limits.

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Witch

Finbar Hawkins' novel Witch tells the story of teenage Eveline, who sees her mother murdered by witch hunters and struggles to keep herself and her younger sister safe in an English countryside rife with suspicion and mob violence. The story is set in 1646 and the novel is dedicated to the men and women persecuted by the witchfinding craze.

Hawkins tells a fascinating story and manages to draw in the reader. Most of the book is balanced on the delicate question: is this a historical fantasy where the story is based on historical facts and magic is real, or is this a historical fiction where the story is based on facts and magic is not, as far as anyone can reproducibly demonstrate, real? As a modern reader I found this balancing act superb, an act of authorial skill that is like watching someone juggle while also riding a unicycle. It made the story feel real and emotionally accessible in a way that hit me differently than a direct fantasy-world-where-magic-is-definitely-real.


This post's theme word is ruth (n), "compassion or contrition." The community is held together by the ruth we hold for each other.

Saturday, October 19, 2024

Galaxy: The Prettiest Star

Galaxy: The Prettiest Star is a graphic novel by Jadzia Axelrod and Jess Taylor. It's a joyful, colorful celebration of lines and active drawings; also, incidentally, it is a metaphor for trans-ness. The main character is a vivid alien princess, in disguise as a normal human highschool-age boy. There is also a playful supervisory robot corgi.

The story explores attempts to blend in at high school, experimenting with self-presentation, the malleability of friendships and social pressure and how high school feels very high-stakes. Plus there is a charming corgi! (I've recently met a corgi puppy who lives a few blocks away and is a charming ball of energy.)

The story is straightforward works really nicely. It holds up for me as a way to discuss masking, coming out, being yourself, and transition. Always feeling watched and surveilled on personal presentation. Some parts are definitely fantasy and I was left bemusedly trying to figure out if anything lined up with the secret radio transmissions, or the eternal space war.


This post's theme word is reck (n), "care or concern." The entire basketball team had little reck for the prom night dancing kerfuffle.

Friday, October 18, 2024

Quotes for the past year

 Accumulated on various scraps of paper, which apparently is my brain's preferred mode of operation.

D: "I'm not just a talking head for delivering CS and sarcasm."

D (during a lecture): "What do we know --- he asks rhetorically --- about the properties of cosine?"

A cool note that I'd never thought of, from D: "Testing only tells you if bugs are there. It can't guarantee that bugs are not there."

"We expect furniture to migrate... quite a bit, in my experience."

Grocery checkout clerk: "What's your maximum carry weight? ... are you shopping for an army?"


Me: It took 5 weeks, but we've run out of symbols. How do you feel about the Greek alphabet? Hebrew?

Student: Hmm.

Me: I sometimes use hieroglyphics. Stork times alpha!

Student: That's awful.

(conclusion: we used Greek, plenty of letters there)



This post's theme word is besom (n), "a bundle of twigs attached to a handle and used as a broom." The marketing department recommends that flying besoms be replaced by modern flying broomsticks.

Howl's Moving Castle

Diana Wynne Jones' novel Howl's Moving Castle is a fun fantasy novel. It was adapted into an animated Mikazaki film but the adaptation changed many of the text-rendered delights of the story. The book sidles up to a sort of genre-savvy knowledge about fantasy stories. Protagonist Sophie is the eldest of three daughters, so she inherently understands that any choice she makes will go wrong in order to better frame the improved choices of her younger sisters; the youngest, of course, will make the best choice of all and have great fortune in life. Sophie understands everything in her life in this light --- working in the family hat shop, living in a provincial town, avoiding the maidens'-heart-devouring wizard Howl whose wandering castle emits puffs of steam as it haunts the fields outside her town.

The narrative voice here is joyful, and Jones is a master. (I read this book after having it strongly recommended, years ago, and that recommendation absolutely holds up!) All narration is in limited third-person and we mostly follow Sophie, but the reader is allowed to witness and notice things like hints being dropped and then named as hints by other characters in the scene, or Sophie's own magic which she denies having but frequently uses. The biggest and most fantastic reveal is (spoiler) that the wizard Howl, whose actions seem disjointed, fickle, and mysterious to Sophie, is actually a 27-year-old Welsh grad student who escaped into this fantasy world to (probably) avoid defending his thesis. I admit I filled in some of that invention, but most of it is actually right there in the novel.

This was a quick read and I'd recommend it. My edition had some Q&A with the author in the endnotes, which only increased my enjoyment of the story.


This post's theme word is hierophant (n), "an interpreter of esoteric knowledge." The skills of a wizard and a Ph. D. student are both obtained from close study with a hierophant and years of diligent work.

Friday, September 13, 2024

Charmed Life

Diana Wynne Jones' Charmed Life is a children's fantasy book (apparently it is chronologically the third in a series of six! although it was the first published and is the recommended entry point).

This book is a joyful play on common children's fantasy ideas. The protagonists are a sister and brother, orphaned in the first few pages, and we follow them on their next steps. Gwendolen is a gifted witch, whose future is foretold to bring her great power, and she drags her magic-less little brother Eric along with her as she takes determined steps towards her destiny. She is stymied by the usual barriers: orphans have no adults advocating for them, magic is hard to learn, and the adult world runs on opaque and mysterious rules that children must obey (or discover by transgressing and being punished).

I came to the story with the usual Grown-Up Fantasy Genre Questions: how does magic work? how does one learn? what are the rules? ... and I was delighted that all of these questions were absolutely diversions from the way the story wanted to go! Gwendolen is a bit stubborn and direct --- as are many girl protagonists --- but when facing punishment from adults, things went completely off the rails and my expectations were entirely subverted.

A quick read, suitable for many ages, and cheery. Recommended to me, and I pass along this recommendation to others.


This post's theme words and contexts come from the novel:

  • limbeck (n), "an apparatus used in distillation." One table was crowded with torts and limbecks, some bubbling, some empty. (page 88)
  • cresset (n), "an iron vessel or basket used for holding an illuminant and mounted as a torch or suspended as a lantern." The cresset was out. The torts and limbecks and other vessels were all clean. (p 219)

Wednesday, September 4, 2024

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms

 The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is N. K. Jemisin's debut novel. The fantasy novel setting features a large empire where gods are real, personified beings that it is possible to interact with. The protagonist is suddenly bumped up from an estranged-former-heir-to-a-throne to a politically-relevant-yokel-swept-to-the-capital and has to navigate all new relationships, power structures, politics, alliances, and so on.

The book was good (I read it awhile ago) but not enough of a draw that I continued to read the rest of the trilogy. I really loved this author's Broken Earth trilogy (previously 1, 2, 3) and recommend those books as very emotionally powerful and a really interesting fantasy world.


This post's theme word is hyaline (adj), "like glass; transparent or translucent." This post displays my hyaline intent to work through my tall to-be-read and to-be-blogged stacks of books.

Tuesday, September 3, 2024

Fine Structure

Fine Structure is a scifi novel by author qntm. It starts in the present day with some physicists constructing an experiment to test their new theory. So far so good! Unfortunately for them, their theory is correct. Except that every time the test shows their theory works, the fundamental laws of the universe change so that the experiment (and the effect and the theory itself!) is not reproducible.

Scientific reproducibility turns out to be a minor concern among the other issues this creates.

This is a very cool premise, and the entire novel is full of very cool science-fiction ideas. The narrative style, however, jumps around between different storylines and timeframes in a way that I found completely removed the stakes from the story. (Spoiler: there's no tension in the current high-stakes chase scene if I've already seen a future scene where these characters are alive and fine, and everyone else is gone.) At some point I also realized that none of the characters was sympathetic or interesting, as characters --- the author is basically moving them around like puzzle-pieces in order to get to the parts of the story where the cool scifi idea can happen.

Quite late in the novel I was wondering "why did this end up in my TBR stack?" and suddenly there was a paragraph about antimemetics and realized that this must be linked to SCP (previously).

I'd recommend this for vacation reading but the lack of characterization meant that it was missing some depth my brain kept looking for.


This post's theme word is fulgent (adj), "shining brightly; radiant." The prose aims to be fulgent and lands somewhere around "thesaurus explosion" for the most abstract scenes.

Monday, September 2, 2024

Time to Orbit: Unknown

Time to Orbit: Unknown is a novel by Derin Edala. It's the length of maybe 5 standard novels, but available to read in its entirety online here (some typos). This is a work in the specific genre "hypergraphic authors for voracious readers", subgenre "scifi themes". I only recommend it if you are in the target audience "voracious readers", in which case I strongly recommend it.

The story opens on an interstellar colony ship, with one passenger unexpectedly awakened from transport hibernation. This is a great setup from a novel standpoint, as the first-person narrator has no idea what is going on and provides a great introduction to the world for the readers. The fact that he has to figure out what's broken on the spaceship, from first principles, since he is not an astronaut, adds to this framing device convenience. It also makes the mystery delicious: we are discovering things at the same time as the narrator. A mystery! In space!

The author is excellent at their craft. I don't know how else to express it. This story starts as a space-scifi-mystery and every once in awhile, it completely shifts genre. (Spoilers: logistics challenge! science puzzle! rogue AI! social conflict leadership struggle! murder mystery! international interplanetary geopolitical conflict! sociology study of voluntary colonization! philosophical exploration of individuality!) Every time the genre shifted, I was absolutely convinced it was a good idea and the author brought me along. At some point I realized the game was "genre shift in an apparently-endless story" and I loved that, too.

Last week the author published the end --- chapter 183! --- of the story. It didn't end in a way I find satisfying, and it seemed a bit rushed, but honestly I don't know that any end to the infinitely-extensible-feeling beginning of the story would ever feel satisfactory.

Recommended if you have interest in a long reading project that is a bit silly and a bit tense and 100% scifi in the post-publishers-encouraging-doorstop-series era.


This post's theme word is ontic (adj), "having or relating to a real existence." Certain genre staples of science fiction are purely joyful, not ontic.

Six Wakes

Mur Lafferty's Six Wakes is a science fiction novel set on an interstellar ship, a whodunnit novel about clones and implanted memories. The premise seems interesting and I've read (and listened to podcasts of) much of Lafferty's other work.

This book suffers from writing that seems like it is trying to be adapted to a movie or maybe a TV series. Descriptions are sort of basic and don't use the full expressivity of written language. (I know this is a niche complaint, I am a reader of Specific Tastes.) Every chapter ends with a dramatic cliffhanger. These cliffhangers are often resolved by suddenly revealing backstory that the audience (and other characters) could not possibly have known or guessed. I was most irritated by the reveals that critical plot points depended on societal norms and laws about cloning, since the existence and details of those laws would have precluded a lot of the earlier points of confusion and plot.

If what you want is a mystery puzzle set on an interstellar colonizing ship, I've been enjoying Derin Edala's Time to Orbit: Unknown (which you can read free online).


This post's theme word is aspersion (n), "a damaging accusation; slander." It's strange to me that I have read so many books upon which I cast aspersions.

Friday, August 30, 2024

Enemy vanquished

 I have been hunted --- in my own home --- for three days. By a mosquito. It buzzes my ear at night trying to fall asleep, or when I am on the toilet. I have resorted to wearing socks and a hoodie (long sleeves and pants are assumed) so that my only exposed surfaces are my face and hands, where I am most likely to detect a blood-thieving incursion.

At last, after several hunts where my enemy escaped into a busy visual background, this evening I successfully slapped it out of the air and squashed it. Sweet relief! The security of protecting my own hard-earned blood in my own home.

Vampires ask for permission to enter your home and add a sexy cultural vibe to their blood-sucking. Mosquitos are much less polite. 0 stars, future mosquitos are equally uninvited chez moi.



This post's theme word is sanguinolency (n), "addiction to bloodshed." The torment of endless itches and swollen skin bumps has driven me to sanguinolency for hematophages.

Thursday, August 29, 2024

We Can Fix It!

Jess Fink's We Can Fix It! is a brief graphic novel that investigates the question: what if you could travel back in time to formative points in your youthful memories, to try to advise your younger self against making embarrassing mistakes?

What follows is a series of comedic exchanges. Some people never change, and the self-awareness to realize this makes the entire comic wry and clever. No big solutions are achieved, but saving your younger self from choking, from making out with the wrong teen, and from various self-esteem missteps is presented in a charming and delightful manner.

Recommended! It's a quick read.


This post's theme word is skiamachy (n), "a mock fight or a fight with an imaginary enemy." Philosophists debate whether the metaphorical skiamachy with insecurity is too on-the-nose when represented as a slap-fight with one's childhood self, enabled by time travel.

Monday, August 19, 2024

Spear

Nicola Griffith's Spear is a short, fascinating novella that retells a side quest legend in the Arthurian constellation of stories and characters.

It's lovely. The prose is gorgeous, as always from this author. The main character is a woman who gets to make her own choices and have skills and an identity as an individual, which is the kind of detail I wish I didn't have to highlight but I'm glad to see.

Just as with Hild, this book included certain details of daily life and choices that stayed with me. It's raining and two knights are escorting through the woods? One must offer to go hoodless, for the peripheral awareness. Is magic real or is it just cultural significance and placebo suggestions? I loved this, and it was a brief and delicious read.

(I was left with the impression that I missed significant plot choices and story details because I'm not familiar enough with Arthurian legends and lore. That's okay, the book was great anyway.)


This post's theme word is evanescent (adj), "fading quickly; transitory." The evanescent details of lore dimmed beneath the onslaught of accrued cultural Arthurian baggage.

Wednesday, August 7, 2024

There is no antimemetics division

There is no antimemetics division is a novel / series of short stories / piece of collaborative fiction authored by qntm. The entire work is readable for free online. It is vaguely unsettling horror --- not my usual preference --- but excellently written and with a compelling premise.

There is no antimemetics division lives inside SCP, a huge online collaborative fiction site loosely based around a single fictional prompt and set in roughly the same universe. If you read widely on the SCP site, you will eventually find some mutually-incompatible storylines; these are explicable under the premise of the universe: the site documents a sort of parallel reality (or is it) where certain ideas have the power to erase themselves from your memory. These are "antimemes", and they can propagate just like memes but are much more difficult to secure, contain, and protect against (SCP).

I don't usually enjoy horror, but this novel and the SCP project more widely are very gentle about the horror angle. If you go looking to be scared, you can find that --- but there are also storylines that are 100% playing the premise for comedic value, entire stories based around one pun punchline, and nudge-nudge-wink-wink stories that play with the tropes of horror joyfully. Spending many hours reading this novel, and various other SCP works, convinced me that I'm actually OK with horror, as long as it is psychological and interspersed with jokes. SCP is more like Jasper Fforde's sense of humor, melted with Peter Watts' attitude and then forced to write exclusively in the format of bureaucratic filing reports.

Rereading the above, my opinion might not be clear. I'm trying to be descriptive. 

I strongly recommend There is no antimemetics division. Try the first few chapters and see if they scratch a particular brain itch for you, as they did for me. If you like the premise, then I hope you've already read Peter Watts' Blindsight (GO READ IT RIGHT NOW, it remains my #1 most-recommended-to-others book).


This post's theme word is descript (adj), "having distinctive features or qualities." This novel made me much more cognizant of the aggressively descript and nondescript elements of my environment.

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Jhereg

Stephen Brust's Jhereg jumped to the top of the TBR queue because of Cory Doctorow's strong recommendation. It didn't hit any sweet spots for me: it was a quick ~230 pages of fantasy, told in first-person by an assassin, in a fantasy world with sorcery and witchcraft and Dragaerans (descriptions render these more human than the name would suggest). There were action sequences and preparation scenes and scheming and thousand-year internecine feuds. No plot twists were surprising, although the narration chose at many points to casually reveal things that shifted the entire world-building operation (for example, at one point --- and this is not much of a spoiler --- it is revealed that death is not particularly permanent, and in fact is just a way of sending a snippy message to your enemies).

I might read the next book in the series, but it's low-priority. There's a new Jasper Fforde book out! And I still haven't read the sequel to Hild!


This post's theme word is gegg (v intr / noun), "to play a hoax or practical joke; a trick or practical joke." In a world where magic is a daily practice, there is a breadth of possible geggs.

Sunday, May 5, 2024

Jokes about algorithms

 I ask students to write me a joke about algorithms pretty regularly. I like seeing what they come up with...

  • What did one cross-country star algorithm say to the other?
    "It's run time."
  • Teacher: Write me an algorithm that runs in constant time.
    Student: Ok, the first part of my algorithm iterates over a list...
  • What's the runtime of log?
    Nothing. Logs can't run.
  • When in doubt, O(n!).
  • What did the polynomial function say to the exponential function to get it to go away?
    "Beeg-O(n)!" [joke included a visual of an xy graph of poly and exp functions diverging with speech bubbles]
  • "Knock knock"
    "Who's there?"
    "The Gale-Shapley Algorithm"
    "That joke wasn't funny"
    "I guess you aren't a good match for my humor!"
  • Two engineers are stuck on whether to use BFS or DFS for a problem.
    Eng 1: Should we use BFS instead? Because we tried DFS and we're stuck?
    Eng 2: The real queue is why did I choose this career?
  • A 1-day-old great dane talking to a 1-day-old toy poodle
    poodle: I'm bigger than you haha!
    great dane: I"m not worried I am Ω(you)
  • Knock knock... Boom bruteforce algorithm

Algorithms puns:

  • Dancer to Algorithms: "Wow algo! You really have rithm!"
  • Why did Lila hate the orchestra concert?
    Because they didn't have any algo-rhythm!
  • What did Lila play on the drums?
    An algo-rhythm
  • What type of music do computer scientists listen to?
    Algo-rhythm-ic Music
  • Mr. Merge, Mr. Selection, and Ms. Bubble all joined the Annual Sorting Dance Competition. Can you guess who won?
    Mr. Merge won! How? Because he had the best sorting algo-rhythm :)!
  • If my name was algo and I did music they'd call me algo-rhythm!
Regarding graphs:
  • What's the bakery's favorite algorithm?
    "Bread"th first search
  • BreadFirstSearch, no rice no pasta!
  • How do we know that topsort vertices prefer the heat?
    They have to leave once they reach 0 in-degrees.
  • What did Dijkstra say to Kruskal?
    Why you so greedy
  • What kind of search do you prefer?
    DFS, I like my algorithms with a little more depth to them. * badum tzzzz *
  • What did BFS say to DFS? Nothing. Algorithms can't talk.
  • Why did the edge cross the cut?
    Since it had to provide the shortest path :(

This post's theme word is capacitate (v tr), "to make capable." Studying computer science does not capacitate one for comedy.

Thursday, May 2, 2024

If you created an algorithm, what would you call it?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question.

If you created an algorithm, what would you call it?

Most people went for a legacy:

  • [student's own first name]sort
  • [student's own first name]algorithm
  • [student's own last name]
  • [student's own full name]3000
  • [student's last name] method
  • [student's last name]'s Algorithm
  • Make[student's first name]OnTime

Then some people went for a bizarre name:

  • golden
  • Goat
  • BifghkaJKHSTY
  • cheeseburger
  • transform 
  • apples

Then some people went for a straightforward "impossible to say what this algorithm does":

  • The Best Algorithm
  • Algorithm
  • Algo I
  • Algorithm X

My favorite was the "extremely possible to say what this algorithm does":

  • something descriptive


This post's theme word is maecenatism (n), "patronage". None of today's forward-thinking algorithm designers has favored maecenatism in their naming scheme; how is modern-day artisanal algorithm design to thrive without this historical source of support?

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

What is the worst pun you've ever heard?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question.

What is the worst pun you've ever heard?


Only a few actual responses:

  • That's pretty punny of you, haha!
  • alpaca lunch
  • [thought too much]
  • orange you glad I didn't say banana
  • all puns are great

... and then more than 15 variants of "I don't know". I guess it's hard to remember a pun on the spot.


This post's theme word is gegg (n), "a trick or practical joke," or (v) "to play a hoax or practical joke." The biggest gegg of the post is the lack of puns!

Thursday, April 25, 2024

If you were a superhero, what power would you have?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question. Previously 2017, 2019.

If you were a superhero, what power would you have?

There were some traditionalists:

  • invisibility x7
  • flying x3
  • super speed x2
  • telepathy
  • read minds 
  • invulnerability
  • super saiyan

Many people want extra time:
  • have 48 hours a day
  • stop time
  • no longer need to sleep
  • not getting sleepy
  • making [other student in class] on time
  • instant transportation
Then there were people who imagined powers that help towards other goals:

  • power to refill anything
  • memory
  • infinite memory
  • infinite money

This post's theme word is macrosmatic (adj), "having a well-developed sense of smell." The macrosmatic superhero rescues local residents from inadequately-aged cheese.

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

What is the punchline of your favorite joke?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. Previously 2017, 2019.

What is the punchline of your favorite joke?

I assure you that typos and punctuation below are [sic]:

  • "[student's own first name]'s on time"
  • "shut up cold water!"
  • 1984
  • G
  • Ground beef
  • Ground chicken

  • Im-Pasta
  • Imagine :)
  • Me!
  • Nice
  • Renato Pizza
  • Swarthmore construction
  • Tinean
  • Your the only ten I see [sic]
  • construcrian
  • don't know one
  • drawing a blank Im sorry :( <3
  • hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog...
  • pasta balls
  • to get to the other side

Most popular answer by far was variations of "IDK" (x6).

These joke punchlines make me wonder about the preceding joke... 

... well, except for the best one:

  • This is joke for all you mind readers:

This post's theme word is salvific (adj), "having the power to save or redeem." The psychic comic did not have many salvific punchlines.

Thursday, April 18, 2024

What is your favorite hobby?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question.

What is your favorite hobby?

  • art                                                                                                                                         
  • billiards                                                                                                                                   
  • chess                                                                                                                                       
  • cooking                                                                                                                                     
  • dancing                                                                                                                                     
  • fishing                                                                                                                                     
  • frisbee                                                                                                                                     
  • hiking (x2)                                                                                                                                 
  • learning                                                                                                                                    
  • movies                                                                                                                                      
  • music                                                                                                                                       
  • nails                                                                                                                                       
  • procrastinating                                                                                                                             
  • programming                                                                                                                                 
  • reading                                                                                                                                     
  • singing                                                                                                                                     
  • sleeping (x7)                                                                                                                               
  • softball                                                                                                                                    
  • spending time with family                                                                                                                   
  • spending time with people                                                                                                                   
  • throwing                                                                                                                                    
  • walking (x2)


This post's theme word is nutant (adj), "drooping, nodding." Many hobbyist nappers sat through lecture with nutant heads and glazed eyes.

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

What parallel-universe version of yourself would you like to be?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question.

What parallel-universe version of yourself would you like to be?


(all typos below are preserved as submitted)


Many students aspire to parallel-universe careers:

  • pilot (x2)
  • POTUS
  • president
  • economist
  • lawyer
  • chef
  • cheffe
  • astronaut (x2)
  • commentator

Some wanted careers based on fame (mostly sports):

  • PGA tour champ
  • pop star
  • win the masters
  • dancer
  • actress/dancer
  • pro sport of some sort
  • disc golfer

One single student wanted simply more money, in an amount I have not heard of:

  • a bizzlionaire

One student wanted to be an inexplicable parallel-universe version, no further explanation:

a cold one

Some students were nonspecific but positive:

  • living in nature
  • maybe in bed
Some students were simply nonspecific:

  • huh
  • idk
And this week's most contented mid-semester student picked simply:

  • idk I'm happy in this one



This post's theme word is lotic (adj), "relating to or living in flowing water." (Note that "lentic" is the same, but for still water.) The lotic parallel universe features many gills and a lot of waterproofing on electronics, but is otherwise quite familiar. There are a lot of reunions of the lotic and lentic branches of the family.

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

What is the best time of day for studying?

 I take attendance by asking students a question. (Previously 2019.)

What is the best time of day for studying?

Sorted by time, we had:

  • 3am
  • morning (x5)
  • late morning
  • midday (x2)
  • 3pm
  • afternoon in Johlberg
  • post nap
  • 5pm
  • 5:15pm
  • after dinner
  • 7pm
  • evening
  • night (x7)
  • midnight
  • all times
  • anytime
  • after class

The specificity of to-the-minute accuracy on "best time" makes it sound like the optimal studying lasts only 1 minute, and by 5:16pm it has passed. That's worrying from an academic viewpoint.


This post's theme word is whelm (v tr), "to submerge; to overcome; to overwhelm." Study time whelms the student calendar.


Thursday, March 28, 2024

What is the most useless technology ever invented?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2019).

What is the most useless technology ever invented?

By popular vote, the general category "social media" is the winner (6 votes). Some people voted more narrowly tiktok (4 votes) and snapchat (2 votes) were singled out for specific contempt. Other physical debris got votes: electric toothbrush (3 votes), smartwatches (2 votes), and furby (1 vote).

Some votes went to other things, some explicable and some not:

  • bombs :(
  • nukes :/
  • shoes
  • chat GPT trying to identify word count
  • everything
  • it's hard to tell
  • none :(
  • sundials
  • wheel

I think the "everything" and the "none" person should compare notes.


This post's theme word is Momus (n), "a carping critic" (the Greek god of censure!). The tech journalist was a Momus at the product launch.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

What is your favorite fruit?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2017).

What is your favorite fruit?

  • watermelon (x7)
  • mango (x6)
  • apple (x2)
  • grapes (x2)
  • raspberries (x2)
  • pears
  • bananas
  • pineapple
  • peach
  • clementine
  • strawberry
  • blueberry
  • orange
I'm surprised that watermelon surpassed mango, the previous champion.

This post's theme word is tergiversate (v), "to evade, to equivocate; to change one's loyalties." The student population tergiversated between large, sweet, round fruits.

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Quoth the raven

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2016, 2017).

Quoth the raven:

  • nevermore
  • caw caw caw
  • IDK
  • ??
  • [checkmark]
  • I don't know any ravens
  • no clue
  • !
  • what is that
  • no
  • shishkabob
  • type type
  • moo
  • French poetry is better
  • no clue
  • What does the fox say?
  • I don't know
  • Nevermore, lest I shuffle off this mortal coil and land in a bowl of soup
I think that the "?" and "IDK" votes swept this time, maybe the reference isn't popular enough amongst The Youths Nowadays.


This post's theme word is nuciform (adj), "like a nut." There are many bird techniques for obtaining food from nuciform prisons.

Tuesday, March 19, 2024

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. Previously 2016, 2017, 2019.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

Some students answered numerically:

  • -2
  • -1
  • 1
  • at least 1
  • 2+1
  • 3.141592
  • pi
  • 5
  • 6
  • 100g
  • [illegible, but it looked like numbers?]


Some students answered with qualitative descriptions of the quantity of wood:

  1. not much (x2)
  2. not much, he's nashed
  3. some (x2)
  4. enough
  5. lots
  6. depends on the tree species
  7. as much as it could
  8. as much as it wants
  9. as much as a woodchuck could!
  10. as long as its hungry

Some students replied to my question with an answer designed to make me stop asking:

  • no idea
  • I don't know (x3)
  • when a woodchuck chucks
  • if a wood chuck could chuck wood (x2)
  • chuck


The "most pragmatic" award goes to:

  • depends if a woodchuck could chuck wood

The "most enigmatic award goes to:

  • would?


This post's theme word is alible (adj), "nutritious; nourishing." Wood is not considered alible for most students in my class.

Thursday, March 7, 2024

What is your dream vacation for spring break?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question.

What is your dream vacation for spring break?

Actual places that are reachable with a 1-week break from classes:

  • Ireland
  • Bahamas
  • Ibiza
  • Italy
  • Greece
  • Japan
  • Tahiti
  • Hawaii
  • Brazil
  • Switzerland
  • Europe
  • London
  • Barcelona
Trips that sound cool:
  • cool hike
  • home
  • Death Valley, where I'm going :)
  • bed
Infeasible:
  • travel to Uranus

This post's theme word is anfractuous (adj), "full of twists and turns". May your travel wanderings be full of anfractuous adventure.

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

What is your greatest victory in life so far?

 I take attendance by asking the students a question (previously 2019, 2016).

What is your greatest victory in life so far?

  • chilling
  • sleeping
  • being here today
  • surviving this far
  • seeing another day in this beautiful world
  • waking up :)
  • ^ so real!!!!
  • going to college
  • nothing
  • happiness
  • eating breakfast
  • being awake right now
  • getting up early today
  • living
  • my friends
  • slaying yass
  • being an older brother
  • loving other people


This post's theme word is antelucan (adj), "before dawn". Based on student testimony, one might believe that I have an antelucan lecture.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

What is the longest amount of time you have gone without using the internet?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. (Previously 20172019.)

What is the longest amount of time you have gone without using the internet?

Answers varied:

  • not long
  • 10 minutes
  • few hours (x2)
  • 12 hours
  • 1 day
  • 2 days (x3)
  • 3 days
  • 5 days
  • days
  • 1 week (x5)
  • a week in nature
  • 2 weeks
  • month
  • 9 months
  • 6 years
  • no clue
  • my childhood
  • first couple years of my life
  • first 2 years of my life
  • first 5 years of my life
  • first 7 years of my life



This post's theme word is testudinal (adj), "slow; old." Reminiscing about years of school pre-internet makes one feel testudinal and ornery.

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

What is the first word you spoke aloud?

 I take attendance by having students answer a question (previously).

What is the first word you spoke aloud?

  • MAMA / mom (very popular)
  • Dad (also popular)
  • Yeah / no / yes / Hi (makes sense)
  • goat
  • duck
  • cow
  • ball
  • apple
Kudos to the student whose first word was "0" (the number).

Bizarre side-eye to the following students who wrote:
  • student A: "[student B's name]"
  • student B: "I love [student C's name]"
  • student C: "yeah"

This post's theme word is umbriferous (adj), "casting a shadow." Luckily a child's first word is not an umbriferous portent of their entire life!

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question (previously 2016, 2017, 2019).

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Students mostly picked some popular onomatopoeias (or no): 

  • clap (10)
  • snap (6)
  • no sound (3)
Then a lot of singletons:

  • faint clap (1)
  • snup (1)
  • plap (1)
  • tap (1)
  • *pop* (1)
  • plup (1)
  • plap (1)
  • hit (1)
  • not possible (1)
  • finger snap (1)

Two people were present in class but chose, as a way of expressing themselves, to checkmark next to their name on the sign-in sheet but leave the space for answering the question blank.


This post's theme word is gowpen (n), "two hands cupped together." Give me one gowpen of thoughtful questions, please.

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Where in the world IS Carmen Sandiego?

 I take attendance by having the students answer a question. (Previously 2016, 2017.)

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Overwhelmingly students wrote "San Diego" (19), some with a bit of flavor ("presumably San Diego?"). This would make it easy to find her, and the landmark she has shrink-ray stolen this week! Apparently this cultural reference is now outside the familiar frame for many current college students.

Among those willing to play/guess along, we had:

  • California
  • Detroit, MI
  • Guam
  • I don't know
  • I'm terrible at geography...
  • IDK but good show
  • Madrid, Spain
  • Mexico
  • New York
  • US
  • Utah
  • lets find her <3
  • no clue


Perhaps this question should be retired --- or maybe future students will creatively suggest where to seek her out!


This post's theme word is gaberlunzie (n), "a wandering beggar, especially one who is licensed." Carmen Sandiego is no gaberlunzie --- she has no license for the architectural theft and skulduggery she commits!

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Winter quotes

"It's a machine learning paper, it can't be that hard."

"She just seemed totally unhinged, like a swivel-eyed loon." 

"You picked the same avatar as me!"
"It assigned me a gray-haired lady in glasses automatically!"

"I'm invisible!"
"Zoom has started to blur you into the couch in the background."

"Wow, four people and one kitchen? This is... this is better than we had in Soviet Union, seven families and one kitchen."

"We're the same age! I always thought that you were so much older when we were kids."

"One more, since you were having a bit of a cock-festival earlier: there's a book called 'Fifty Ways to Eat Cock' and it's recipes for cooking chicken."

"Oh, this looks good... wait, that's dog food."

"Basically you put a cookie in soup and put it in the oven."


This post's theme word is grangousier (n), "a big eater" or "a gullible person, who will swallow anything." This holiday season, bake cookies for your neighborhood grangousier!