Give me a joke, please

I take attendance by having the students answer a question fill in MadLibs.

A _______ walks into a bar. The bartender says, "______________."

This was intentionally open-ended because I want the students to be a little bit creative, and I'm not sure I've optimally tapped their creative reservoirs of energy-to-come-up-with-something-to-write-on-the-attendance-sheet. (Part of the trick seems to be starting the attendance sheet with someone who writes something witty, so that other students have an example when it gets to them.)

The traditional response, of course, is: A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The literalists were there again, for example: A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "oh wowhaha lol slapstick humor." Also "gymnast / hmmm... I should have put that higher..." and "man / Are you okay? That looked like it hurt."

There were some cute ones:

• An electron walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why so negative?"
• An e-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."
  (Alternate: A person under 21 walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Leave.")
• A past, present, and future walk into a bar. The bartender says, "This is a tense situation."
• A bartender walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I quit my job."
• A bug walks into a bar. The bartender says, "#@$%(%@203åDEL▟"
• An underscore walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Longer underscore."
• A backpacker walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Take a hike!"

The recurring Non-SequitAward goes to: A woman walks into a bar. The bartender says quack, because the bartender is a duck.

I truly didn't anticipate that punchline.


This post's theme word is blet (v. tr.), "to overripen to the point of rotting." I'm retiring that joke; I've bletted it thoroughly.

What is your personal motto?

I take attendance by having the students answer a question.

What is your personal motto?

This year had a different tone than last year.

The positive:

• be happy
• don't give up
• You can do it.

The cultural references:

• Hakuna matata
• deus vult
• That's my secret, I'm always dancing.
• age quod agis
• just keep swimming
• You do you.

Those aiming for moderation:

• no worries
• it's gonna be okay
• whatevs
• Everything is okay.
• #flawless
• Learn. Think. Create. 
• while (alive) { live() }

The climbing-based mottos for climbers who climb enough to justify a climbing-based personal motto, which to my astonishment is a set containing more than one student:

• More chalk
• Always heel hook

The unfortunate: "sleep deprived since 2014!"

The decidedly pessimistic note goes to "Never address your problems," and the could-go-either-way pin goes to "Don't care unless it helps you."

The Non-Sequit-Award is tied between "look at dogs a bunch" and simply "bird". (Is "bird" a verb now? What are these youths doing with language nowadays? *shakes fist at sky, mumbles to self*)

This post's theme word is bovarism (n), "a romanticized, unrealistic view of oneself." My motto: be the bovarism I think I am already!