Family joy

'Tis the season to ritually retreat to the place of your birth (or at least wherever your strongest familial anchor is) and Spend Time Together. Hooray!

An upwelling of goodwill and warm familial emotional comfort to you, to me, to all of us. Here in my snowy childhood retreat, I am surrounded by snark and sotto-voce comments and offhand references to literature and clever puns about math and it is like being immersed in a warm, soft pool of almost-mirrors of myself. In the least egotistical way possible, it's delightful and I love all these people intensely.

Here are some amusing and mostly out-of-context snippets of the family holiday season, which as usual, extends well into January.

"Every pushup is like 10^{-6} points. It's like mining Bitcoin."

"There's a microbrewery like every 3 blocks in Ithaca now." (originally tweeted)

Re: wisdom teeth and roommate
"Sarah won't let me decorate with them."
"First strike."
"She's a sensible girl."

Alert: we've had to unfurl the backup cheese board for auxiliary cheese feasting. (originally tweeted)

"Shitty superpower: the Man who Makes Women Menstruate. ... maybe there was a local election. A school board election? Those happen every year."

"If you just WATCH me do the chores, it doesn't count towards your chore wheel, Jayjay."
"Lila, usually dogs don't HAVE a chore wheel." (originally tweeted)

"I know there's a cure for hepatitis C, but there's no need to jump headlong into it."

"You might think there is a time signature. There is not."
"This is a seal attempting to play an electronic harmonica. Underwater."

"These tights are the #1 bestseller in beekeeping supplies!"
"Beekeeping tights are NOT a thing."

Suave pickup line, delivered slimily: "You might not know this, but the real numbers? They're ordered."

"What the hell is that thing, Ernie?"
"It's hair containment. You might not be familiar."

Regarding his own conception: "I'm sorry, that was the best sperm I could get, Andrei."

"I don't see the sloths."
"The sloths are right in front of you!"
"Those are 100% rhinos."
"Oh, yeah."
(originally tweeted)

"My boobs are so low now, they can't hold anything up."

Attempt and failure at generating a pithy saying: "If wishes were fishes, then... dishes... would... britches?" (originally tweeted)

"He's bludgeoning the cheese into slices."

Someone left on Google voice assistant, which chimed in, unexpected: (originally tweeted)
"Can I help you find something?"
"Find the yeti!"
(it did not oblige)

"Isotropic pressure!" (re: hats) (originally tweeted)

On e-shopping as you fall asleep: "... it's very hard to get the best price." (originally tweeted)

"Just think, if that had been a rink, you'd be wearing sequins to work." (originally tweeted)

... now, back to work, one and all!


This post's theme word is exeleutherostomize (v intr), "to speak freely." The pithy, flippant people exeleutherostomize when amongst family.