What is the sound of one hand clapping?

I take attendance by asking the students a question.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

As before, many students picked onomatopoeias:

• swish
• poof
• shmrshmrshmrshmr
• boom skrrt
• clap
• bloooop
• whoosh!
• cloooop

Others chose to describe it in other ways:

• little air molecules getting pushed off to adventure
• magnificent
• jazz hands
• sound of hand and face clapping
• like Pacman
• nothing
• the sound of silence
• a very faint buzzing

Still others used their response to issue a protest against the question:

• What is the sound of a tree falling in the woods when no one is there to hear it?
• the answer to zen riddles must be spontaneous, and I've already heard this one
• inconceivable!
• clap, otherwise it wouldn't be clapping.

This week's Melancholy Monument has a plaque at the base engraved in honor of the various students who wrote, "the sadness of a missed high five", "the sound of sadness", and simply, "sad".

This post's theme word is krummholz, "stunted trees near the timber line on a mountain." The clumsy hermit's logging expedition near the krummholz avoided people but resulted in a lifelong lack of a left hand.

Give me a joke, please

I take attendance by having the students answer a question fill in MadLibs.

A _______ walks into a bar. The bartender says, "______________."

This was intentionally open-ended because I want the students to be a little bit creative, and I'm not sure I've optimally tapped their creative reservoirs of energy-to-come-up-with-something-to-write-on-the-attendance-sheet. (Part of the trick seems to be starting the attendance sheet with someone who writes something witty, so that other students have an example when it gets to them.)

The traditional response, of course, is: A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The literalists were there again, for example: A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "oh wowhaha lol slapstick humor." Also "gymnast / hmmm... I should have put that higher..." and "man / Are you okay? That looked like it hurt."

There were some cute ones:

• An electron walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why so negative?"
• An e-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."
  (Alternate: A person under 21 walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Leave.")
• A past, present, and future walk into a bar. The bartender says, "This is a tense situation."
• A bartender walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I quit my job."
• A bug walks into a bar. The bartender says, "#@$%(%@203åDEL▟"
• An underscore walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Longer underscore."
• A backpacker walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Take a hike!"

The recurring Non-SequitAward goes to: A woman walks into a bar. The bartender says quack, because the bartender is a duck.

I truly didn't anticipate that punchline.


This post's theme word is blet (v. tr.), "to overripen to the point of rotting." I'm retiring that joke; I've bletted it thoroughly.