Runner's high, election high

I felt kind of gypped yesterday, because I ran three miles in the morning and didn't get the elated "runner's high" that I was expecting (and that I usually experience).

I ended up getting my high in the evening instead, watching the election. That ungypped me, fast. Huzzah for voting!

Today my knee is sore and a little swollen, but I'm happy.

Back to work! ... thesis thesis thesis thesis thesis thesis...


This post's theme quote, in honor of the internet-savvy seen in this campaign, is from William Gibson (via):

The limitation to what you can find on Youtube is basically your own imagination. When I think of something, if I don’t automatically think of searching for it on Youtube, I will never see it. When something comes to mind, I try to train myself to google it and then look on Youtube, often with the most amazing results. I think, in the end, if we just kind of run this technology out to its logical conclusion, we will end up with something like a single retina that covers the entire inner surface of a sphere, looking at itself, being quite self-sufficient, and made completely of Youtube videos.

High stakes

I know that I am a fairly confident, competent public speaker. I have given good presentations on subjects not in my field while an undergraduate. Yet I just finished leading a[nother] one-hour student seminar and I feel like I've walked through flames (psychologically, at least). I'm not so self-conscious that I refused to admit my nervousness, though -- in fact, I cited it often, since admitting that I'm nervous actually helps me to be more relaxed.

Afterwards, Y. told me that I had nothing to be worried about; he followed the whole thing, it was fine. But in the reciprocal situation, he is often nervous and I always have no trouble following.

I've experienced the same effect in writing; it's much harder to write in my field that outside. (I wrote some terrific English, history, and opera papers!) What it amounts to is this:

The cost of failure is very high.

If I botched a paper in a humanities course, it meant very little to me; it was not a field where I had declared any interest or professional intent. Compare that with now, writing my master's research paper: every word seems heavy with meaning, and not just because the topic matter is dense. It has import; the stakes are much higher, since this is something I want to do well in, something that affects my planned career path.

Unfortunately, the only way to overcome this performance anxiety is to just keep writing and giving presentations until it becomes natural.


This post's theme quote is from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: Whatever you say to them they translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something entirely different.